You’ve likely come across countless articles promising to teach you how to say “I love you” in various languages. But what often gets lost in these translations are the subtle, yet crucial, differences in how feelings are actually expressed. When it comes to matters of the heart, is “I love you” the same as “I’m in love with you”? Does “You’re everything to me” carry the same weight as “You’re the love of my life”? The language we use to express love is rich and varied, and Japanese is no exception.
Instead of searching for a simplistic equation of “I love you” = [Japanese phrase], this guide delves into the beautiful complexities of expressing love in Japanese. We’ll explore the nuances between different phrases, helping you understand not just what to say, but how and when to say it to truly convey your feelings. For those seeking to express affection in Japanese, understanding these subtleties is key.
In this article, we will explore the following expressions of love in Japanese:
- 好きだよ (suki da yo) and 大好きだよ (daisuki da yo)
- 愛してるよ (ai shiteru yo)
- 愛してます (ai shitemasu)
- The significance of saying nothing at all
- 恋に落ちた (koi ni ochita)
Before diving into the detailed explanations, which are beneficial for anyone serious about learning Japanese or understanding Japanese culture, let’s address the most basic question:
The Simple Answer (and Why It’s Not Enough)
I love you = 愛してる (ai shiteru)
If you stop here, however, you might miss the depth and accuracy of expressing your emotions. While 愛してる (ai shiteru) is indeed a way to say “I love you” in Japanese, using it correctly requires understanding its weight and context. To truly grasp how to say “I love you” in Japanese, and use it appropriately, continue reading.
好きだよ (Suki da yo) / 大好きだよ (Daisuki da yo): Liking and Loving in Layers
好 = liking; pleasing; favored
好きだよ (suki da yo)
I like you. // I love you.
大 = big; large
大好きだよ (daisuki da yo)
I love you.
Technically, 好き (suki) and 大好き (daisuki) translate more directly to “I (really) like you.” For example:
ピザ好き (piza suki)
I like pizza.
However, when used in a romantic context, saying 好きだよ (suki da yo) to someone you are dating can absolutely be interpreted as “I love you,” depending on the relationship and situation. This is even more true for 大好きだよ (daisuki da yo).
大 (dai // big) + 好き (suki // liking) = like very much; love
大好き (daisuki) can be understood on multiple levels, much like the English word “love” itself. We can differentiate these levels by exploring the nuances of “love” in English.
The Three Levels of 大好き (Daisuki)
1) Much Feels: “I love pizza.”
Imagine you’re at your favorite pizza place, and you’re absolutely savoring every bite. You might exclaim:
ピザ大好き！ (piza daisuki!)
I love pizza!
In this case, “love” expresses a strong enjoyment or fondness. It’s not the same depth of emotion as romantic love, but it’s a genuine expression of pleasure. Pizza love is a beautiful thing, but it’s different from person love.
2) Very Much Feels: “I love spending time with you.”
Consider the story of Ted and Thousand Cranes. After a couple of wonderful dates filled with laughter and good times, Thousand Cranes expressed her feelings to Ted after a cozy movie night:
テッド大好き！ (teddo daisuki!)
I love you! // I love spending time with you. // I really like you.
Lit. Ted + big-liking!
(Note: The lack of the particle だ makes it sound softer, often perceived as more feminine).
Ted, who is fairly proficient in Japanese, was initially taken aback, thinking Thousand Cranes was declaring deep, serious love on only their second date! However, 大好き (daisuki) in this context is more akin to saying “I really like you” or “I love spending time with you.” It expresses strong affection and enjoyment of someone’s company, but not necessarily the profound commitment implied by 愛してる (ai shiteru).
3) Super Feels: “I love you.”
Let’s turn to a more personal anecdote. The author shares a story about his wife, Rei. During a challenging time in Bangkok, while Rei was hospitalized on his birthday, they found themselves in an unexpected situation. Instead of dwelling on the negativity, they decided to make the most of it.
The author went to the hospital lobby Starbucks and returned with coffee and an array of sweets. Sharing these treats in Rei’s hospital room, looking at her in her hospital gown, he told her:
大好きだよ (daisuki da yo)
In that moment, 大好きだよ (daisuki da yo) carried the full weight of “I love you,” as profound and meaningful as the English phrase could ever be.
大好きだよ (daisuki da yo)
I love you.
The addition of よ (yo) at the end emphasizes that the statement is directed at the person and adds emotional emphasis.
With 大好き (daisuki), you’re expressing both “I like you” and “I love you” simultaneously. It’s important to note that 大好き (daisuki) always implies liking and often, depending on context, can convey deep love. Unlike the English phrase “I love [my mom], but I don’t really like her,” 大好き (daisuki) inherently includes the “like” component. You always like someone or something you describe as 大好き (daisuki).
愛してるよ (Ai Shiteru yo): The Serious “I Love You”
愛 = love
愛してるよ (ai shiteru yo) is often presented as the standard translation for “I love you” in Japanese, and for good reason.
愛してるよ (ai shiteru yo)
I love you. // I’m in love with you.
This is likely the phrase you’ll find most readily when searching online for “I love you in Japanese.”
愛してる (ai shiteru) is a phrase of significant weight. It’s not something to be used lightly. It’s reserved for relationships of deep commitment and seriousness, often implying a “forever” kind of love. Interestingly, as we’ll see, some Japanese men may go through marriage and family life without ever uttering these words.
The full form is actually 愛している (ai shiteiru), but the い (i) is almost always dropped in casual conversation, becoming 愛してる (ai shiteru), “I love you.”
Is 愛してるよ (Ai Shiteru yo) Only for “Romantic Love?”
In researching this article, the author consulted with his wife, Rei, to confirm if 愛してるよ (ai shiteru yo) is exclusively for romantic love. Her initial response was affirmative – only lovers use this phrase.
However, when asked about scenarios like a parent undergoing major surgery, situations where “I love you” would be natural in English, Rei clarified that even then, 大好き (daisuki) or 大好きだよ (dai suki da yo) would be more commonly used.
Therefore, it’s generally accurate to say that 愛してる (ai shiteru) is primarily used for romantic love.
Now, let’s explore the difference between 愛してる (ai shiteru) and 愛してます (ai shitemasu).
愛してますよ (Ai Shitemasu yo): Formal “I Love You”?
A courtesan reading a love letter, circa 1763
Simply put, 愛してますよ (ai shitemasu yo) is a more formal version of 愛してるよ (ai shiteru yo).
愛してますよ (ai shitemasu yo)
I love you. // I’m in love with you.
Formality in language is a complex concept. When the author initially asked Rei about the difference, she explained it as a matter of formality.
But why would you use formal language with someone you’re intimately involved with? Especially when expressing such a powerful declaration of love.
“If I said 愛してますよ (ai shitemasu yo) to you, what would you think?” the author asked Rei.
“I’d think you were messing with me,” she replied.
So, while it’s a highly intimate phrase, the formality makes it sound almost insincere or playful when used with a romantic partner.
When, then, is 愛してますよ (ai shitemasu yo) used?
The consensus is that you’re most likely to hear 愛してますよ (ai shitemasu yo) during a marriage proposal.
There are exceptions, of course. Besides the playful or mocking nuance Rei mentioned, you might encounter it in melodramatic Japanese dramas (J-Dramas), perhaps when someone is 告白してる (kokuhaku shiteru), “confessing their love” to someone they are not yet, or may never be, intimately connected with.
This limited usage highlights a broader point about highly expressive Japanese: it can be very nuanced and context-dependent. This also helps explain a common perception…
“Men Don’t Say ‘I Love You’ in Japanese”
It’s important to recognize that you’re unlikely to hear 愛してる (ai shiteru) or 愛してます (ai shitemasu) in everyday conversations in Japan, unless it’s on television or in a dramatic situation.
The author recalls a conversation with a female Japanese friend who expressed that she saw no need for a partner to ever say “I love you,” or for her to say it to them. She believed:
“We should just be able to feel it. Words aren’t necessary.”
A Japanese dating service conducted a survey among Japanese men asking why they don’t say 愛してる (ai shiteru // I love you) to their girlfriends. The most common responses were:
- I don’t want to use it lightly.
- I’m too shy to say it.
- It’s too soon.
- 好きだ (suki da) feels more natural.
- Cool guys don’t fall in love.
- What is love? I’m not sure.
- I don’t want to flatter her too much. / I don’t want to lower my guard.
- It would be a lie.
- There’s no reason for me to say it out loud.
It’s not surprising that Japanese men may rarely say 愛してる (ai shiteru), as Japanese culture often emphasizes indirect communication and hesitant verbal expression of feelings.
恋 (Koi) for Third-Person “I love him/her?”
Some resources mention phrases using the kanji 恋 (koi), such as 恋しちゃった (koi shichatta) or 恋に落ちちゃった (koi ni ochichatta).
While these phrases relate to feelings for someone, they aren’t classified as 愛情表現 (aijou hyougen), or direct expressions of love to the person themselves.
They are (1) not typically said to the person you love, and (2) are closer in meaning to “falling for someone” or “liking someone.”
In short, they don’t mean “I love you” in the direct, interpersonal sense.
You might tell a friend something like this:
(Warning: The Japanese below sounds very feminine.)
同じクラスの男の子に恋しちゃったみたい (onaji kurasu no otokonoko ni koi shichatta mitai)
I think I might like this boy in my class.
A possible dialogue could be:
A）恋に落ちちゃったみたい (koi ni ochichatta mitai)
I think I’ve fallen for someone.
B）え？！だれに？ (e? dare ni?)
What?! Who?
How do you pronounce all of this?
Pronouncing these Japanese phrases is quite straightforward once you learn the basics of Japanese kana, which many learners accomplish within a few weeks.
If you are interested in learning Japanese pronunciation and continuing your language journey, NativShark is an excellent resource. You can learn to talk about all kinds of likes and loves, and much more:
This is a screenshot from NativShark.
This is a screenshot from NativShark.
This is a screenshot from NativShark.
This is a screenshot from NativShark.
That concludes our exploration of expressing “I love you” in Japanese!
Remember, expressing love is about more than just words. Understanding the nuances of language and culture allows for deeper, more meaningful connections. Good luck on your journey of love and language!
If you have further questions, join our community of Japanese learners on Discord.
