Gary Thomas, the acclaimed speaker and bestselling author behind “A Lifelong Love,” challenges couples to fundamentally rethink their marital expectations. In a compelling interview, Thomas unpacks the essence of his book and tour, revealing how shifting our perspective on marriage can lead to deeper fulfillment and enduring love. Instead of viewing marriage primarily as a source of personal happiness, Thomas advocates for seeing it as a profound act of shared worship, a journey of spiritual growth undertaken with your spouse. This transformative approach, detailed in “A Lifelong Love,” promises to enrich marital bonds and pave the way for a truly lifelong love.
Shifting Perspectives: From Fulfillment to Worship Partner
Many enter marriage with the unspoken expectation that their spouse will be their primary source of fulfillment. Gary Thomas challenges this notion, urging couples to consider: are we placing unrealistic demands on our marriage? Are we asking our spouse to fill a void that only God can truly satisfy? This crucial shift involves re-evaluating our core desires in marriage. Instead of seeking personal gratification as the ultimate goal, Thomas proposes embracing a partnership centered on worship. This means seeing your spouse not just as someone who meets your needs, but as a fellow pilgrim on a shared spiritual journey. This perspective is central to cultivating a lifelong love, as it redirects the focus from self-serving expectations to mutual spiritual growth.
Questioning Your Expectations in Marriage
To initiate this transformative shift, Gary Thomas encourages couples to engage in honest self-reflection through probing questions:
- “Am I asking more of my marriage than God designed it to give?”
- “Am I asking my spouse to be more to me than God designed him/her to be?”
- “Am I seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness (as Jesus instructs in Matthew 6:33), or am I striving for personal fulfillment and blaming my spouse when it eludes me?”
These questions serve as a vital starting point for couples seeking to align their marital expectations with a more spiritually grounded perspective, a cornerstone of A Lifelong Love Gary Thomas advocates for.
The Crucial Call for Christian Couples
For Christian couples, this call to reframe marriage as worship is particularly resonant. Thomas argues that “small lives can’t build big marriages.” When we burden our marriage with the weight of our personal fulfillment, we risk suffocating its potential for growth. A marriage solely focused on maintaining fleeting feelings or demanding constant prioritization will inevitably falter. In contrast, a marriage rooted in worship, mutual growth in Christlikeness, and learning to love unconditionally, has the space to flourish. The pitfalls of self-centeredness in marriage become starkly evident: two individuals primarily concerned with their own needs will inevitably find themselves in conflict, hindering the development of a lifelong love.
Overcoming Hopelessness and Transforming Your Marriage
What about those who desperately desire a deeper connection but face a spouse who is resistant or unconvinced? Gary Thomas offers a powerful message of hope: “If I take seriously Jesus’ call to seek first the Kingdom of God, I can do that whether my spouse is my partner helping me along or my spouse is part of the outreach.” Drawing a powerful analogy, Thomas explains that while a spouse’s cooperation can make the journey feel easier, they are not the destination. Our primary partnership is with God. Even amidst marital challenges, individuals can choose to live out their commitment to God within their marriage as an act of worship. This perspective is crucial for anyone seeking to transform a struggling marriage into a lifelong love, regardless of their spouse’s immediate response.
The Engine of Faith: Driving Your Marriage
Thomas emphasizes that faith should not be a mere add-on to marriage, like “the coat of paint” on a car. Instead, faith should be the very “engine that drives the car.” Too often, faith is relegated to a last resort, a desperate prayer uttered only when marital problems become overwhelming. However, when faith is properly integrated into the foundation of marriage, it fundamentally alters our understanding of marriage, our expectations, and our responses to one another. This spiritual bedrock provides the essential context for practical marital advice to truly take root and flourish. Without this underlying spiritual commitment, “how-to” principles alone often prove insufficient to sustain a lifelong love.
Making a Lifelong Love: A Continuous Creation
Gary Thomas encapsulates his message with a powerful and encouraging statement: “A good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make.” He further emphasizes the transformative power of faith by adding, “And with God in the equation, you can keep remaking your marriage even after years of distance or failure.” Whether a marriage is already strong and seeking greater heights, or facing significant challenges, God’s presence offers the potential for continuous renewal and deepening intimacy. This ongoing process of “making” a marriage, grounded in faith and worship, is at the heart of achieving a lifelong love gary thomas so passionately advocates for.
Gary Thomas is a speaker and bestselling author of A Lifelong Love and Sacred Marriage.
