Breaking up with someone you love is devastating. It can feel like your world is ending and you’ll never be happy again. But while the pain is real, it’s important to remember that you can and will get through this. This article explores why relationships end and provides insights into how to navigate the healing process and ultimately move on.
One common trap after a breakup is idealizing the past. It’s tempting to remember only the good times and convince yourself that the relationship was perfect. You might find yourself thinking, “We were so perfect together. Why did this happen?” This is a natural reaction, but it’s often fueled by biased memories.
Research shows that our memories are unreliable.3, 4 We tend to romanticize past events, especially after a loss. This “rosy retrospection” makes it difficult to objectively assess what the relationship was truly like. You may be focusing on the 98% of the time things felt amazing, conveniently forgetting the other 2%.
How to get over someone – Relationships don
Our memories are inherently flawed; we often only recall details that fit the narrative we want to believe.5, 6 In the aftermath of a breakup, this means clinging to positive memories to avoid confronting the painful reality of the situation. Furthermore, if the relationship was toxic, characterized by drama and unhealthy dependence, the lines between love and dysfunction can become blurred.7 You might mistake controlling behavior or constant arguments as passionate expressions of love, making it even harder to let go.
The truth is, relationships don’t end because of isolated incidents or mistakes. They end because two people are fundamentally incompatible. As difficult as it is to accept, sometimes a relationship ending is necessary, even if love is still present. Recognizing this fundamental incompatibility is a crucial step in healing and moving forward. While breaking up with someone you love is incredibly painful, it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, healthy communication, and genuine compatibility. It’s time to shift your focus from the past to the future and begin the journey of healing and rediscovering yourself.
