It’s undeniably tough when you’re trying to navigate life after love. The pain of getting over someone you deeply care for can feel immense, especially if the breakup was unexpected. When love is involved, moving on can seem like an impossible task. However, it’s important to know that healing is possible, and there are effective strategies to help you get over someone you love, allowing you to heal and open yourself up to future healthy relationships.
Why is it so hard? Often, the first step is acknowledging reality. Accepting that the relationship has ended and understanding that you and your ex-partner were not meant to be together is crucial. Brittany Jenkins, a marriage and family therapist, explains, “When we lose someone we love, it’s natural to focus on the positive aspects and idealize them. This is part of grieving, but it’s vital to see the relationship and the person realistically. Remembering the imperfections and the reasons for the breakup is key to moving forward.”
Need guidance? Let’s explore 12 expert-backed tips to help you navigate getting over someone you love and begin your journey to healing.
Expert Tips on How to Get Over a Breakup
Breakups are universally challenging, regardless of the relationship’s duration. Here are 12 expert-recommended tips to help you get through this tough time and start healing.
1. Initiate No Contact
While your first instinct might be to reach out to your ex, Sarah Chotkowski, a licensed psychotherapist, strongly advises initiating “no contact” for at least 30 days post-breakup. “It’s completely normal to still love the person and want them in your life. Friendship after a significant relationship is possible, but it needs time,” she says. “A no-contact period of at least 30 days allows your brain to process the change and start seeing them as an ‘ex,’ breaking the ingrained habits of partnership.” This period helps you detach emotionally and begin to heal independently.
2. Lean on Your Support System
Don’t hesitate to turn to your friends, family, or a therapist for support during this emotional recovery. You don’t have to go through this alone. Having a strong support network is essential for moving on and letting go. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and accept help. Surrounding yourself with caring individuals who genuinely want the best for you can lift your spirits and remind you of the positive aspects of your life beyond the lost relationship. This also strengthens your non-romantic bonds, providing long-term emotional security.
3. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
One of the most effective ways to move forward is to challenge yourself and explore new activities. Always wanted to try salsa dancing, take a cooking class, or join a sports league? Now is the perfect time to dive into these interests and even meet new people. This not only brings fun and new connections into your life but also proves to yourself that life continues to be rich and fulfilling even without your ex-partner. Embrace personal growth and break free from self-imposed limitations.
4. Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotions
Brittany Jenkins advises against the quick fix of “getting under someone else” to get over heartbreak. Instead, she suggests, “Go under your own feelings of sadness and longing. Explore your emotional needs deeply.” By confronting your feelings head-on, you can emerge from heartbreak stronger, more self-aware, and with enhanced self-love.
Give yourself time to process your emotions, but consciously work towards moving forward. Remember, if your goal is a loving, fulfilling future relationship, healing your heart and becoming receptive to love again is essential. Don’t rush the process; healing takes time, and it’s okay to proceed at your own pace.
5. Remember Their Imperfections
As mentioned earlier, reality checks are important. Recall why the relationship ended. Sarah Chotkowski points out, “Fear of loneliness can amplify their good qualities and diminish their flaws. Remind yourself they were imperfect, and there were reasons for the breakup. Write down their negative traits. Take a picture of yourself crying – remind yourself that if they were truly ‘the one,’ you wouldn’t be in this state.” If you struggle to remember their flaws, ask trusted friends and family – they likely have insights they’ve held back.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
People often blame themselves after a breakup, but avoid this self-destructive pattern. Treat yourself with kindness, care, and respect, especially during this vulnerable period. Self-care is paramount when moving on. Do what you need to heal in healthy ways that reinforce self-love. Whether it’s a relaxing bath, a comforting movie, or a walk in nature, prioritize activities that nurture your well-being.
7. Create Your Own Closure
Closure isn’t always given; sometimes, you have to create it yourself. “We often don’t get the closure we deserve, and chasing someone for it is futile,” explains Sarah Chotkowski. “If you’re stuck thinking ‘I can’t move on until…,’ use your imagination to stage the closure you never received.” Imagine a scenario where your ex acknowledges their part in the breakup, takes responsibility for the hurt, and definitively ends the relationship. Visualize this scene, discuss it with friends or a therapist, or even write it out and symbolically release it – whatever helps you feel a sense of completion and readiness to start a new chapter.
8. Focus on the Future
To truly get over someone you love, shift your focus from the past to the future. If you’re constantly replaying memories and analyzing past conversations, you’ll remain stuck. Instead, actively look forward and direct your energy toward what lies ahead. This forward-looking perspective makes moving on much more achievable because you’re no longer dwelling on what was. Healing requires time and distance from the past, allowing you to grow into your next life phase.
9. Take a Social Media Detox
How often are you checking their social media? If you genuinely want to move on, it’s time to unfollow, mute, or temporarily deactivate social media connections. Constantly seeing their updates makes it harder to detach and move forward. To clear your mind of them, they need to be off your digital radar. This break allows you to focus on your own life without the constant reminder of their activities.
10. Remove Physical Reminders
A crucial step in moving on is removing physical reminders of the relationship. Photos, gifts, and shared items keep your ex present in your daily environment. When you’re ready to move on, declutter your space. Pack away or remove these items to create physical and emotional space for new memories and relationships. This physical act of clearing space symbolizes making room for new beginnings.
11. Reward Your Progress
“Moving on involves many small, challenging steps,” notes Sarah Chotkowski. “Recognize and reward these milestones.” Whether it’s making it through a day without crying, resisting the urge to text your ex, or engaging in activities they disliked, these are victories. “Create a reward system to make these steps more meaningful. For example, reward yourself with a treat for each milestone achieved. This positive reinforcement helps in breaking old habits and establishing new, healthier routines, even when you’re emotionally drained.”
12. Identify the Real Void
Brittany Jenkins suggests, “Honest self-reflection on what you genuinely miss can simplify moving forward. Perhaps you miss their spontaneity, which brought out your adventurous side. Or maybe you valued their acts of service, which made you feel supported.” Identifying these specific voids allows you to seek fulfillment in other ways.
“Pursue more spontaneous activities or join groups that engage in new experiences to meet those needs. If you miss intellectual conversations, join a book club or discussion groups. While the person is irreplaceable, the value they brought into your life can be found in other ways if you intentionally seek them out. Remember, you found it once, you can find it again. Stay hopeful.”
Getting Over Someone You Never Dated
Struggling to get over someone you never officially dated? You’re not alone. Emotional attachments can form even without a formal relationship. Moving on from this situation can be just as challenging as getting over a breakup, explains Brittany Jenkins. “Without the reality of dating, our minds can get trapped in ‘what ifs’ and ‘why nots.’ The lack of real experience can also fuel fantasies and idealization of the person and the potential relationship.”
How do you heal from this? “Prioritize self-acceptance and self-love. Address areas in your life you might be neglecting. Therapy can provide guidance in navigating these realizations,” Jenkins advises. “The more you value and care for yourself, the more open you become to connections with someone who truly appreciates you. Strengthening social support and friendships can also lessen the focus on unrequited feelings.”
Moving on is a journey, not a race. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and remember that healing is always within reach.
