Falling in love is a complex and often confusing experience. How can you tell if you’re truly falling for someone, or just experiencing infatuation? While there’s no magic formula, several key indicators can help you decipher your feelings. This article explores six telltale signs you’re falling in love, backed by scientific research and expert insights.
1. You Feel Both Intense Liking and Lust
According to psychologist Arthur Aron, PhD, as told to Glamour, two primary predictors of being “in love” are genuine liking and passionate lust. Research suggests that when both these elements are present, it signifies something deeper than casual affection. Liking without lust might indicate a strong friendship, while lust without liking could be purely physical attraction. True romantic love combines the positive regard you have for a friend with the intense desire you feel for a lover.
2. You Can’t Stop Thinking About Them
Intrusive thoughts, or the inability to stop thinking about someone, are another hallmark of falling in love. This preoccupation stems from the intense emotional and physiological changes happening in your brain. Dopamine and norepinephrine, neurochemicals associated with pleasure and reward, flood your system, creating a sense of euphoria and obsession with the object of your affection. This constant mental engagement further strengthens the bond you’re developing.
3. You Accept Their Flaws
While initial infatuation often involves idealizing your partner, genuine love acknowledges and accepts their imperfections. A 2021 Frontiers of Psychology review highlights the tendency to view a loved one in a positive light. However, true intimacy involves seeing them for who they truly are, flaws and all. Differentiating between minor quirks and potentially harmful behaviors is crucial. Overlooking imperfections is different from excusing toxic or abusive actions. Trust your instincts if something feels wrong.
4. The Relationship Feels Positive, Not Draining
Healthy love fosters positivity and well-being. A relationship characterized by consistent negativity, emotional invalidation, or a lack of reciprocation might indicate an unhealthy dynamic. Trust your gut feeling. If the relationship consistently leaves you feeling drained or anxious, it might not be conducive to genuine love. Pay attention to red flags like inconsistent communication, dismissive behavior, or controlling tendencies.
5. It’s Not Always Easy
While love should generally feel positive, it’s not always effortless. Building a lasting relationship requires effort, compromise, and navigating challenges together. If you’re not experiencing any friction or challenges, it could signify a lack of depth in the connection. True love involves pushing each other to grow, communicating openly, and working through disagreements.
6. You Feel Deep Empathy
Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, emphasizes the role of empathy in romantic love. Her research indicates that lovers display profound empathy towards their partners, deeply invested in their feelings and well-being. This empathy extends to prioritizing their needs and wanting to support them emotionally. This deep emotional connection is a significant indicator of genuine love.
