As a little girl enchanted by Disney movies and storybooks, love was always portrayed as a fairytale. Think Snow White, Cinderella, or The Little Mermaid – each story concluded with a prince charming rescuing the princess, and they’d ride off into the sunset, deeply in love. Growing up, I yearned for that fairytale romance, constantly chasing my own “prince,” only to face disappointment when reality clashed with my idealistic expectations. Looking back at past relationships, I realize that my current understanding of love has been profoundly shaped by the valuable lessons learned from those who have touched my heart. These experiences have taught me so much about what love truly is…
Just Because You Love Someone Doesn’t Mean They Are Right for You
In my early twenties, I fell for a man living in a different city. I romanticized the idea of a long-distance relationship, envisioning how it could magically work. However, fantasy and reality rarely align. We were in different time zones, navigating distinct life stages, and our priorities diverged significantly. While love was undeniably present, and I still hold a special affection for him, I came to understand that a successful relationship between us was never meant to be. We simply weren’t compatible. Loving someone deeply doesn’t automatically translate to being the right partner for them, or vice versa.
Love in Its Many Shapes and Forms: It’s Not Always What You Expect
Sometimes love feels passionately fiery, other times intensely strong, and sometimes it settles into a comfortable, steady warmth. Regardless of its current manifestation, the core of love remains constant – it’s always present, just expressing itself in different ways. I recall a particularly painful experience with a former partner who abruptly declared, “I am not in love with you anymore. I don’t see a future with you.” Ouch. Following that breakup, I was forced to re-examine my definition of love. I realized that a committed relationship extends far beyond the fleeting feeling of being “in love.” It transcends lust or the exhilarating, yet unsustainable, rush of chemical reactions and hormones, often referred to as “butterflies.” Love, in its truest form, is rooted in commitment, mutual respect, and unwavering dedication. Love is an action, a verb, not a destination to reach or a temporary stop on life’s journey.
Hurtful Actions Don’t Always Negate Love: Understanding Complexity
I once deeply loved a man who, I genuinely believe, adored me with his whole being. However, this same man, who held such affection for me, also became the source of profound pain and heartbreak. In the difficult process of healing from the aftermath of our breakup, I questioned the very meaning of love. In my understanding, you simply don’t intentionally hurt those you cherish most. But I came to a difficult realization: even when love is present, individuals can still be grappling with their own internal struggles and personal demons. These internal battles can lead to decisions that, unintentionally, inflict pain on those closest to them. The man who hurt me didn’t do so out of a lack of love; he was wrestling with his own issues, leading to poor choices. My heart, unfortunately, became collateral damage from those decisions.
So, What About Love By Heart Today? My Evolving Definition
The various individuals who have entered and exited my life have served as invaluable teachers in the ongoing education that is love. Each person who has held a piece of my heart has imparted a crucial lesson, shaping my evolving understanding of love in the present day. I anticipate remaining a perpetual student in this subject, but currently, this is what love signifies to me:
True, authentic love can only flourish when both individuals in the relationship possess self-worth as a foundation. Love isn’t a transient feeling, fluctuating with daily moods and emotions. It isn’t solely dictated by lust, although lust can be one facet of its multifaceted nature. While real love may not mirror the fairytale depictions of my childhood, it is undeniably magical in its own right. Because for love, you willingly make sacrifices, practice selflessness, and offer apologies even when you believe you are in the right. And when faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges that threaten the relationship’s survival, you are driven to fight for it with every fiber of your being. Because love, especially love by heart, is inherently worth it. Because the person you choose to commit to is inherently worth it.
Sometimes you will do things for love without rhyme or reason. And sometimes love is the only reason you need.
Photo credit: Jack Fussell
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