Making love is more than just a physical act. It’s about deep connection, vulnerability, and sustained intimacy. But how do we cultivate and maintain such a profound connection? This exploration delves into the nature of commitment, drawing insights from the book of Deuteronomy in the Torah and the wisdom of contemporary thinkers like David Brooks, to understand how rituals can be the scaffolding upon which lasting love is built.
We live in a culture that often prioritizes freedom from constraint, a freedom to sample and experiment without the burden of lasting commitment. However, true freedom, as David Brooks suggests, is freedom to – the freedom to achieve something meaningful that requires dedication and discipline. This type of freedom necessitates choosing the right restraints, committing to a path, and accepting the limitations that come with it. Brooks eloquently defines commitment as “falling in love with something and then building a structure of behavior around it for the moment when love falters.”
This concept of commitment lies at the heart of the book of Deuteronomy, the final book of the Torah. Deuteronomy is not just a retelling of laws but a profound exploration of the covenant between God and the Israelites, a covenant rooted in love and sustained by ritual. The book emphasizes the importance of loving God with all one’s heart, soul, and might, highlighting the passionate and often turbulent relationship between the divine and humanity.
The word “love” appears significantly more in Deuteronomy than in any other book of the Torah. This emphasis underscores the central role of love in sustaining the covenant. God’s love for the Israelites is repeatedly expressed, demonstrating a deep and abiding affection that transcends their flaws and shortcomings.
But how does love connect with the detailed legal code presented in Deuteronomy? This is where the concept of ritual comes into play. Rituals are the “structure of behavior” that Brooks speaks of, the framework that supports love when the initial passion fades. Just as a loving gesture in a marriage can reaffirm affection, the rituals and mitzvot (commandments) in Judaism serve to maintain the connection between God and the people.
These rituals, often detailed in Deuteronomy, are not merely empty actions but acts of devotion that keep the embers of love alive. They are the daily practices that remind us of our commitment, even when emotions fluctuate. The Psalms, Isaiah, and countless Jewish prayers and songs throughout history echo this enduring love, a testament to the power of ritual to sustain connection over centuries.
Without these rituals, the intensity of love inevitably diminishes. Jewish history demonstrates that communities who abandoned the practice of mitzvot often lost their identity within a few generations. Rituals provide the structure, the choreography of devotion, that allows love to endure even amidst the challenges of life.
Deuteronomy offers a profound insight into the “why” of Jewish law. The halakhah, the Jewish legal system, is not just a set of rules but a framework designed to nurture and sustain the love between God and the Jewish people. It provides the structure for a life lived in mindful connection with the divine.
This principle extends beyond the religious realm. In any loving relationship, small acts of kindness, gestures of self-sacrifice, and shared rituals can strengthen the bond and create a foundation for lasting love. By building a structure of behavior around love, we can transform fleeting passion into enduring commitment. Making love, in its truest sense, is about cultivating a connection that withstands the test of time. It’s about choosing the right restraints, embracing rituals, and building a life around love.
