Saying “I love you” is a significant milestone in any relationship, and it’s a moment often filled with anticipation and a little bit of anxiety. Is it too soon? Is it the right time? These questions swirl in our minds as we navigate the exciting, yet sometimes uncertain, early stages of love. Many of us wonder, is there a perfect moment, or a set of unspoken rules that dictate When Is It Okay To Say I Love You?
My own experience had me questioning the very notion of timing. I remember thinking I was jumping the gun in a past relationship, ready to declare my feelings perhaps faster than “recommended”. Yet, that relationship blossomed and lasted. Looking back, it made me wonder: was my initial hesitation unfounded? Was it simply luck that things worked out? It’s easy to second-guess yourself when things don’t go as planned, to feel foolish for expressing those vulnerable emotions. So, should we play it cool, waiting to see if those feelings are truly lasting, or should we embrace the vulnerability and take that leap of faith when the moment feels right?
My friend Sasha, a vibrant theatre director with a romantic soul, firmly believes in the latter. “Of course, you should say it when you feel it!” she exclaimed. “In each of my four significant relationships, ‘I love you’ was uttered within the first two weeks. I think that’s perfectly normal and wonderfully encouraging. Because sometimes, you genuinely just know.”
Sasha recounted her unforgettable first encounter with Ezra during their undergraduate days at NYU, illustrating this very point. “I was in class when this young professor walked in,” she reminisced, her eyes sparkling with the memory. “I vividly remember his outfit – a plum paisley shirt, blue jeans, an Orioles baseball cap, and a green backpack. I can picture the classroom windows, who sat beside me. As he began to speak, everything else around him seemed to fade away, and it hit me: I must have this person in my life. It was a completely visceral, physiological reaction.” However, leaving class, reality dawned on her. “This is a disaster,” she thought, “I was almost burdened by this intense, sudden need.”
Despite the initial shock, Sasha knew it was love, a feeling that remarkably persisted for the next 25 years. Life unfolded, relationships came and went, including a marriage and divorce. Yet, she and Ezra remained connected, maintaining a tradition of annual dinners. Then, last summer, something shifted. Dinner transformed into a date, rekindling that initial spark. They’ve been living together happily ever since, a testament to a connection first recognized in a college classroom.
Sasha aptly describes love using the ancient Greek concept: “The ancient Greeks saw love as a God, Cupid, a blind baby.” She elaborated, “Cupid isn’t just a baby with a baby’s lack of common sense – he’s a blind baby randomly shooting arrows. You could get struck by love’s arrow at any moment, unexpectedly.” For Sasha, this ancient imagery remains the most insightful explanation of love’s often unpredictable nature.
The very phrase “falling in love” is also incredibly telling. Falling is effortless; gravity takes over. Yet, falling from a great height is terrifying. “It’s daunting to consider that something so profound could be chosen for you, rather than by you,” Sasha reflected. “Especially in our modern, secular world, where we emphasize control over our own lives.” Love, it seems, disregards meticulously crafted five-year plans and rational timelines. Perhaps, then, saying “I love you” isn’t about perfect timing at all. Maybe it’s about acknowledging and accepting fate, surrendering to something inherently illogical and wonderfully beyond our control. It’s about embracing vulnerability and trusting your heart, even when your head might be urging you to wait.
Imagine an image here: A softly focused image of two people holding hands, with sunlight filtering through trees in the background.
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Alt text: Close-up of hands intertwined, bathed in soft sunlight, symbolizing connection and the unspoken emotions in early love.
