And yet, my relationship with my boyfriend has lasted. Looking back, it seems obvious, but is it just luck? When things don’t work out, it’s easy to doubt yourself for believing in the initial rush of feelings. Is it wiser to wait and see if the feeling deepens, or should you take a leap of faith and express those words early on? This question, “How Long Before You Say I Love You,” is a common one in the exciting, yet sometimes confusing, early stages of dating.
“Of course you should say it early,” declared my friend Sasha, a theatre director who wholeheartedly believes in love at first sight. “In each of my four significant relationships, ‘I love you’ was spoken within the first two weeks. I genuinely think that’s normal and actually quite encouraging. Because sometimes, you really do just know.”
Sasha recounted meeting Ezra when she was an undergraduate at NYU. “I was in class, and this young professor walked in,” she remembered vividly. “I can picture exactly what he was wearing—a plum-colored paisley shirt, blue jeans, an Orioles baseball cap, and a green backpack. I remember the window placement in the room and who was sitting beside me. As he began to speak, my focus narrowed solely to him, and I just knew, I needed him in my life. It was a completely physical sensation.” However, leaving the classroom, reality hit. “This is a disaster,” she thought. “I felt burdened by this intense need.”
She recognized it instantly as love. And that love, remarkably, never truly faded over the next 25 years. Life continued, she had other relationships, married and divorced. But she and Ezra remained connected as friends, sharing annual dinners. Until last summer, when their dinner transformed into a date. They have been living together ever since. This story highlights how the timeline of love can be unpredictable; sometimes, the feeling is immediate and enduring.
“The ancient Greeks had this concept of love being a God in the form of a blind baby,” Sasha explained. “Cupid isn’t just a baby with the lack of judgment you’d expect from a baby—meaning absolutely no sense at all—but a blind baby who randomly shoots arrows, and you could be struck at any moment.” In her view, this ancient idea remains the most accurate explanation of love. This randomness can feel daunting when considering when to say “I love you.”
The very phrase “falling in love” is also incredibly apt. Falling is effortless; gravity takes over. But falling from a great height is terrifying. “It’s scary to consider that something might be pre-determined for you,” Sasha continued. “Especially in our modern, urban lives, where we strongly believe we’re in control.” In essence, love disregards your carefully laid five-year plan. Perhaps saying “I love you” is a form of accepting your fate; surrendering to something that defies logic and reason. This surrender is a key part of navigating the question of “how long before you say I love you.” It’s about vulnerability and taking a chance.
